17 Things To Do When You Get Bored In Your Relationship, Recommended by Experts

2. Go Within And Get Curious

If you’re bored, that may say something more about you than your relationship. “My mother, my first and most prominent mentor, used to say, ‘Smart people don’t get bored, they get curious,’ which aligns with zen psychotherapy,” zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva tells Bustle. “A Buddhist mind is a curious mind.” If you’re feeling stagnant, you might be unhappy with yourself, she says. “I often tell my clients who state that they are bored, ‘Please keep a child’s mind in your relationship. Look inward to see if you are unhappy with yourself and creating a scapegoat in your relationship, and maybe you simply need to look within.'”

Once you give this some thought, you might find that the problem is not without, but within. “The client who states they are bored — over 80 percent of the time — will see that it is their own self that needs to be explored, and the relationship is a nice container and space for their growth and nurturing.” So “it’s not you, it’s me” can apply to boredom within a relationship as well.

3. Look Forward To Something

“Plan something together,” life coach Kali Rogers Kali Rogers tells Bustle. “Just like people need promotions in their work in order to feel challenged and rewarded, couples need to feel that same adrenaline rush in a relationship,” she says. So look to the future to make your present more fun and exciting. “Planning dates, an event or a project together ignites companionship and appreciation,” she says. Even if it’s just a quick weekend trip out of town or a little dinner party, if you have something to be excited about on the horizon, it’ll make your relationship more interesting.

4. Take A Staycation

Take a staycation, relationship coach Jessica Brighton tells Bustle. “I love these because they are a great relationship booster and require very little travel, money or excessive planning,” she says. “Go to any discount hotel site and book a one-night hotel stay in your city or another city within close proximity to you,” she suggests. Since you’ll only be staying one night, splurge and book a place with high thread count sheets and cushy robes: “Often, you can get a room at a nicer place for around $150,” Brighton says.

Next step: Get ready. “Pack a weekend bag, make some dinner reservations at a new restaurant close to the hotel and get ready for some relaxation and fun,” she says. “This brief change of venue gets both of you out of your normal routine and element, and allows you to have new experiences and build new memories together.” You’ll “return home” — aka go back to your normal apartment or house from the hotel nearby — feeling more stoked about your relationship.

5. Take It Back To Basics

“Go back to the basics,” Samantha Daniels, professional matchmaker and founder of The Dating Lounge dating app, tells Bustle. “Think about what brought the two of you together in the first place and then try doing some of those activities together,” she suggests. “This might ignite a spark that had been gone for awhile and might help the two of remember activities that you used to really enjoy doing together.”

So if you used to play tennis together, dust off those rackets; and if you used to love watching old movies together, get yourselves to the local revival cinema. “Going dancing to the music the both of you really like or traveling back to a place where you had a great time or a great vacation together” are all good ideas too, says Daniels. Stick to what works — or has worked in the past.

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