Ladies, Stop Being So Nice — It’s Killing Your Game

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You know that phrase, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” It’s a great rule of thumb but there’s one place where it doesn’t apply, at least for women: Men.

Us women want men to say and do nice things for us all the time. It turns us on. So naturally, we think it’s what turns men on too. Turns out that’s actually not what dudes want, at least at first.

In the beginning, when you’re just getting to know each other, guys need to feel a bit — just a bit — of distance between you and them. Why? Because what fires them up is the challenge you present. They’ll then fight to close that gap.

By creating the opportunity for the guy to chase you, you’re not being mean, or stingy, or doing anything terrible — ask any psychologist and they’ll tell you that men generally respond best to women who behave this way because they need to feel like they hunted you and won you. They’re just wired that way — it’s how they’re built. We forget that because we’re built differently. So, don’t serve yourself to a guy on a silver platter… It’s a turn off.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean you should be a bitch or play hard to get or change who you are as a person. All we’re saying is that you shouldn’t fall too hard, too fast. Take your time to get to know him before you start being all about him and his needs. It’s fine to be intrigued — like you’re on the verge of being interested — but don’t let yourself get totally sold too fast. In other words, don’t be ready to have his babies after date 3. Make him earn your interest, you know?

So, until you’re sure he’s definitely into you, don’t be so nice. Be cool. What does that look like? Here are some examples:

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